Personalised poetry allows us to give gifts to people that literally make no sense to anyone else.

Flooding writing that is destined for just one person with in-jokes, deeply specific details, and an overarching abstract theme is both fun to do and fun to be given.

At I Will Write You A Poem, I delight in receiving nonsense information (to me, anyway) from someone about a person they love and then crafting it into a load of gibberish (again, to me) that will be treasured by the person receiving it.

I love, for example, that none of you will ever truly know the meaning of the below poem except the person it is for, but you are still able to enjoy it as a piece of writing.

***

Pontiff

I got a job ironing the Pope’s garments. My supervisor was a very anxious woman who refused to tell me her name out of fear of me selling her story to the tabloids. I never would, we were a great partnership. She’d spot a problem, I’d smooth it over. I gave her the nickname Curly because she had completely straight hair. The job was fairly easy, but I was good at ironing back then. I could crush the creases out of a cassock quicker than Curly could cry, “Carl, there’s a crinkle on the chasuble!” Friday was the day we’d go to the chippy for a team lunch. The Supreme Pontiff would join us every two months or so for a large haddock and mushy peas. Curly would sweat at the sight of the Pope’s pallium pleating incorrectly as he folded his body in half to jab a wooden fork into his batter. I’d run an imaginary iron over her temples and flick a fish cake towards her plate.

***

Get weird for someone today and order them a poem here.